Honest John and the Weasels
Neverland is a small island and one the sea was a lonely pirate ship and we hear singing going on there. We zoom in on the ship and see Disney weasels set up a flag of the Jolly Roger on the mast. Weasels: Oh a weasel's life is a wonderful life A-rovin' over the sea Give me a career as a ferreteer It's the life of a weasel for me Oh, the life of a weasel for me Some weasels are playing with darts on a picture of a crude drawing of Honest John on a door. Weasels: Oh, a feline's life is a wonderful life They never bury your bones For when it's all over A jolly sea rover drops in on his friend Scarface Just about then, the door opened and a white duck with a yellow bill and webbed feet, wearing a blue hat with a black rim and tassel and a blue sailor suit with a black bowtie, white lining, and four white buttons, named Donald Duck, came out. Donald Duck and Weasels: Oh, my good friend Scarface "Good morning, ship mates." Donald said only to get caught by Smart Guy. "And what's good about it, Donald Duck?" asked Smart Guy. "Here we are collecting barnacles on this miserable island!" Greasy said. "While his nibs plays ring-around-the rosy with Danny Cat." Wheezy said sticking his gun at Donald. "Look out there. Might go off!" Donald panicked but got his neck in a rope knot by Stupid. "We ought to be tending to the business of looting ships." Stupid said. "Why, I've almost forgotten how to slit a throat." Wacky Weasel said, using his dagger and got Donald free. "Better drop it." Psycho said as they all threw daggers at the stairs as Donald tried to avoid them. "And tell the captain we want to put to sea, Donald!" Psycho said. All the weasels laughed as Donald stuck out his tongue and walked away. A fox with red fur, wearing a green shirt, matching pants, a blue cloak, and a single white opera glove was looking at a map. He is Honest John Worthington Foulfellow, or Honest John for short. He had one of his paws cut off by Danny and now has a silver hook and now he want revenge. "Blast that Danny Cat!" Honest John snarled. "If I could only find his hideout, I'd trap him in his lair. But where is it?" He starts to look at the map "Mermaid lagoon? No, we searched that. We've combed Cannibal Cove. But here!" He stuck his silver hook at the far north west on the map but then groaned "No, no, no, no. That's Jungle territ… But wait…" he took a good closer at the map "Those jungle animals know this island better than I do me own ship. Ah, I wonder…" At that moment, Donald walked in. "Good morning, captain." "I'VE GOT IT!" Honest John cheered as he grabbed Donald with his hook pulled him closer "Sawyer Cat, Donald!" "S-S-Sawyer Cat, sir?" Donald asked, very afraid. "Bagheera's daughter!" Honest John said, "She'll know where Danny is hiding." "B-B-But-But will she talk, sir?" asked Donald as Honest John let go. "Oh, a little persuasion might be in order.. Now let me see. Boiling in oil? Uh, keelhauling? Marooning?" Honest John said as he thought as another weasel named Br'er Weasel was singing horribly with his accordion. Br'er Weasel: Oh, a weasel's life Is a wonderful life You'll find adventure and sport But live every minute For all that is in it The life of a weasel is short Oh, the life Having enough of his singing, Honest John got out a gun and aimed it. As Donald got the shaving pack ready, the shot was heard and Donald heard a accordion fall and splashed in the water. He took a look only to get splashed in the face. Honest John put away his gun. "Now let me see, where was I?" asked Honest John. "Oh dear, dear, dear sir. Shooting a man in the middle of his cadenza? It ain't good form, you know." Donald said. "Good form, Donald Duck?" asked Honest John in a smooth voice first, and then yell angrily as he pushed the table aside and approached Chula and waving his hook. "BLAST GOOD FORM! DID DANNY SHOW GOOD FORM WHEN HE DID THIS TO ME?!" "Why sir, cutting your hand off was only a childish prank you might say." Donald said as he removed Honest John's cloak. "Aye, but throwing it to that heffalump and woozle! Those cursed beasts liked the taste of me so well they've followed me ever since licking their chops for the rest of me!" Honest John said loudly at first and then said in a low voice as he sat down in the chair which Donald brought. "And they've had you by now, sir, if one of them hadn't swallowed that alarm clock. But now when they're about, they warn you, as you might say with their tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock." Donald said. Speaking off tick-tock, there was a sound of tick-tocking heard. Donald and Honest John heard it. Honest John's face was in fear. There below his ship were two figures. One of them was a slender dark gray woozle with light gray markings at his stomach, chest, muzzle, and bottom of his tail, yellow eyes, a black nose and eyebrows, a snaggletooth, and purple bags under his eyes, wearing a red cap, a matching bow tie with white polka dots, a yellow vest, blue pants, and black shoes. He is also topless. His name was Stan Woozle. The second one was an obese orange heffalump with yellow markings at his stomach, chest, and mouth, a loose tooth, a black tuft on his tail and eyebrows, and a burnt orange square patch on his right knee, wearing only a black vest. He is also topless, pantless, and barefoot. He was known as Heff Heffalump, Stan's partner in crime. "Well, what do we have here, now, Heff?" Stan said, "It's the delicious, yummy Honest John. We're going to eat him!" When they saw Honest John, the woozle and heffalump licked their mouths, hungry for a fox. Honest John screamed. "DONALD!" He screamed as he leapt into Donald's arms "Oh, save me, Donald! Please don't let them get me, Donald! Please! Don't let them get me, Donald! Donald!" He hid behind a chair while Donald went to Stan and Heff. "Here now, shame on you two, upsetting the poor captain. There'll be no handouts today." "Oh, come on, Donald!" Heff pleaded, "May we please eat Honest John just one bite?" "No," replied Donald. "Shoo now, shoo. Go on, go on. Off with you, I say. Go away. Go away, out of here!" And as he said that, Stan and Heff went away. "Oh, well!" he sighed, "We'll eat him next time." Honest John appeared from behind the sheet of the chair. "A-A-Are they gone, Donald?" he said in a scared voice. "Aye, Sir. All clear. Nothing to worry about." Donald said as he tried to relax his shaking captain. "Oh, Donald, Donald. I can't stand it any longer. I tell you I can't!" Honest John said as Donald sat him down on the chair. "Now, now, now, Captain, just relax. What you need is a shave, a nice soothing shave. There now" Donald said as he put a towel around Honest John's head. The fox sighed. A seagull saw the towel and sat on it and fell asleep as Donald sang. Donald: A sailor's life is a wonderful life A-sailing over the seas Give me a career as a buc… Donald didn't see that he was putting shaving cream on the seagull's bottom. "Captain, you know, I can't help noticing you just aunt been your usual jolly self of late." He picked up a razor and wiped it on a towel. Donald: Give a career as a buccaneer… "And the crew's getting? a might uneasy, Captain. That is, what's left of it. Hmm." He was using the razor on the seagull's bottom and it wiped out her feathers. "Now why don't we put to sea, see? Leave Neverland. Forget Danny Cat. There now!" he put some aftershave on the seagull's bottom. The seagull woke up and in horror, flew away covering her behind. Donald didn't see her go because he was putting some powder on his hands. Donald: Give me a career as a buccaneer… "We'll all be a lot happier," Donald smiled, "not to mention a lot healthier. Oh!" He put his hands out only to find out he was doing it in mid air. "Captain? Oh dear! I never shaved him this close before." He never dared to look, so he didn't to look for it under the chair. "Don't worry captain, it must be somewhere about." He begin to walk off with the chair carrying him. The towel fell from Honest John's face and he looked down to see Donald making a fool of himself crawling to find something. "Get up, you clumsy bird!" Honest John snapped. "Aye, aye, sir!" Donald said knocking the chair and Honest John to one side of the ship. Donald turned around to see him dazed. "Oh, I found it, sir. Good as new." He tried to pull his head off only for Honest John to wake up very angry. "Why, you blithering duck!" Honest John cried, as he held Donald by the shirt and was about to kill him when… "Danny Cat, ahoy!" one of the weasel guards called from the watcher. "What? What? Where away?" Honest John asked. "Three points off the starboard bow!" another weasel guard called. Honest John looked through his telescope and saw Danny with Minnie, Mowgli, and Pudge. "Swoggle me eyes, it is Danny! Headed this way with his girlfriend and her brothers! Donald Duck, pipe up the crew!" "Aye, aye, sir! Pipe up the crew! Pipe up the crew! All hands on deck!" He said as he whistled "All hands on deck! All hands on deck! All hands on deck!" All the weasels rose up and got into action. "Look alive, you swabs! We've got him this time, Donald Duck!" He said as he put on his blue coat. "That we have, captain." Honest John called to his henchmen. "Man the Long Tom, you bilge rats!" He went to Donald and put on his dirty green top hat. "I've waited years for this." "That's not counting the holidays, either." Donald said. "Double the powder and shorten the fuse!" Honest John ordered as Greasy and Wheezy got the cannon ready. "Double the powder and shorten the fuse!" Donald repeated. "A pretty sight, Donald Duck. Like sitting ducks. All right, men! Range: 42!" Honest John said as he used his telescope to pin point Danny, Minnie, Mowgli, and Pudge on a cloud viewing Neverland. "Range: 42!" Donald said. "Elevation: 65!" Honest John ordered as Donald repeated after him. "Three degrees west!" Donald repeated again. "Steady now!" This time, Donald didn't repeat. He covered his head with his sailor suit, tied his sleeves around his head, and covered his ears. "Steady!" Category:Fan Fiction